Saturday, October 30, 2004

PATHETIC!

Everyone who knows me knows that I'm unequivocally good at one thing - eating. At a party, I'm at the food table and at the buffet I'm always swallowing. So, when a Pie Eating Contest was announced at work with a prize attached I knew it was mine to lose.

My first strategy was finding the right pie. David, a co-worker, suggested I go with pumpkin pie since the organizer selected pumpkin pie. Surely, she must know. So, I went with pumpkin pie and suggested to many co-workers they should do the same. The day before the contest, Christopher, another co-worker, suggested I go with blueberry pie 'cause it's liquidy I could swallow. Surely, you could do that. No pun intended. Hmmm... I could do that. So I changed my pie without telling the rest of my competitors.

As the 15 or 16 of the pie eating contest competitors sat down, I realized mine had crust. Damn! As our 1 minute began, I dug my face into the pie, breaking the crust. I don't remember what it tasted like except that that 60 seconds seemed to have gone on forever and really, I wasn't all that good at swallowing as I thought. But when the contest was over, pies started to fly. But two remained - mine and this other little Asian boy - Jack. I knew I had won. The crowd had already murmured how I beat little Jack. And when the official results came in, I had come in second. Pathetic!!!

Friday, October 22, 2004

ME, A MODEL?

You know how lots of models and actors say they were discovered accidentally. Waiting for a friend at an audition, having coffee, or just doing their normal everyday thing. Well, that's what happened to me. Kinda...

I'm in a very serious meeting at work. Megan interrupts and asks if any of us are wearing white waist-band underwear. People look at her and check their waist-bands. Nope, I turn to her. You are, she says.

A little white later, I'm in our photography studio. My shirt is off and my waist-band is pulled up a bit. My back is to the camera and I'm pretty uncomfortable. When all is done, I try to put my shirt on without turning around to Rob, the photographer and a big bottom, and Megan. They tease me, but I manage to coyly put my shirt on and leave...

But the next time you are at the video store and see the DVD cover to Dodgeball with a bruised back, that is my back. And my waist-band... How do I look?

Sunday, October 17, 2004

GUESS WHAT?

We are at the mall - South Coast Plaza. I don't really like the mall 'cause people sometimes touch you accidentally as they pass you by. And at the South Coast Plaza everyone's white, except for the Asians or Asian Americans. And me and Jean.

So we're in the Guess? store. 'Cause we were already everywhere else looking for jeans. We look good in jeans. The posters of Paris Hilton give us pause, and we hesitate a moment, but go in nevertheless because we're desperately looking for jeans. I find a killer pair but it cost $79. I put it back and actually find a pair of size 26 jeans. When did they start making size 26 jeans??? I put it on, but Jean agrees that if I gain a few pounds (which I'm want to do easily), I'll never put the jeans on again.

So we're back at the $79 jeans. The salesperson - Chris, I think - says he has those on and they're really cute. But it's $79! I tell him. That's not expensive, he retorts. I sigh. Jean is a little bit embarrassed. Look, I tell him, I'll buy it if you give me a discount. Jean is now horrified and turns to leave only... Okay, says the sales guy. She stops, is surprised.

He rings it up. We leave. I can't wait to put on my new jeans. I'll look so cute.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

JERRY AND SEX

Earlier this week, I went to all-you-can-eat sushi with friends. On the way there, I asked Jerry if he and Paul had sex often. Yes!, he exclaimed. Really? Yeah! Hmmm... Even after two years together? Yeah!

I don't know what it was, but that just seemed wrong. So, I asked, "How often is a lot?" He turned to us, "About 2 times a week?"

Two times a week? While I think that that is sufficient, that is not a lot. (But is should be considered "a lot"!) So, is sex twice a week a lot? Enough?

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY DAY

Sometimes the days are green, and blue, and black and gray and yellow. Sometimes I rise to dread to light to loneliness to joy. Too many days, it's the same thing. More time than I should racing, way more time covering my ass. Then the another precious day is over. Sometimes it doesn't feel valueable. Day in and day out.

But it is. And there's one thing each day that makes me smile. That snaps me out of any doldrum and makes me run to the front of the line. At about 12:30 or 1:00 pm, over the intercom system at work, her voice is so lovely...

"Lunch is ready."