Friday, December 31, 2004

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

Las Vegas, NV. So, naturally, my story begins at the (surprise!) Bellagio Buffet. My cousin Sandra, her husband, her cousin Vincent and I are probably on our third plates of Alaskan crab legs and shrimps. Each. We are laughing, eating in utter ecstasy. We have insatiable appetites and marvel at our family’s insatiable hunger for food, especially our youngest members.

Our Bellagio server comes to us – an Asian man perhaps in his 40s. Sandra turns to him, pieces of juicy Alaskan crab leg hang out of the sides of her mouth, smiles so beautifully, and proudly proclaims: "My 12-year-old cousin will eat you out."

I have quick vision and lose my appetite. Okay, not really, but close...

Friday, December 24, 2004

STOP DRINKING!

A couple of years ago, I got really inebriated at a company party and for months after when our company had any kind of social activity involving alcohol (which was lots), people would giggle down the hallway, "Don't get Cuonged!"

It wasn't so funny when they're laughing at you. But ever since then, I promised I would not be drunk at another company party. So last week when I attended my company Christmas party at the Viceroy Hotel in Santa Monica, I uttered so softly under my breath, "Only two drinks." But four drinks later, I seemed to be okay, though I kept telling myself to behave. Somewhere between drinks five to 4 am, I ended up in my boss's hotel room. At 8 am, I woke up next to two lesbians. Needless to say, nothing happened.

But darn, I got Cuonged again! Ugh...