Friday, December 09, 2005

THE FIRST SNOW...

Look outside your window. It is so soft, so white, so snowy. The first gentle snow swirling pass your window and onto the streets of Manhattan. It'll stay there for a while and it'll rise once again.

And gently beautifully swirl down outside of your world again. It's the first snow of the winter.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

OMG!

Ziyi Zhang is in the building!!! I'm so excited. I wanna stalk her... But I'm a dumbass and freaked and walked the other way. So Gail Snyder!

Seriously, please go see Memoirs of a Geisha tomorrow. Support Asian Americans in films! Forget the politics around the movie. We'll never be leads or on the silver screens if we do not support projects that feature such talented Asian Americans in lead roles - Ziyi Zhang, Michelle Yeoh, and Gong Li.

I love Gong Li.

Gong LiSee Memoirs of a Geisha!

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

WHAT IS BAREBACKING?

That is what Oprah Winfrey (did I really need her last name?) asked on today's show.

Her guest, this gay guy who had talked about "bug" chasing told her he barebacked. After he confirmed what is was she said, "That's what I thought."

Oh, Oprah...

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

MY CONVERSATION WITH JIM McGREEVY

I'm at a party in Chelsea in a loft and I've had a few drinks. And Governor (or former Governer) Jim McGreevy is smooching with other guests. It's a benefit for a gay and lesbian organization. Should I talk to Jim?, I ask. Sure.

Me: Hi Jim. You know Anthony and Joshua as well? (Who just left).
Jim: Yes.
Me: OMG! They're friends of mine. (I just met them...)

Jim and I engage in some really small talk, most of which I don't really even remember.

Jim: Are you Chinese?
Me: Yes, but I was born in Viet Nam.
Jim: My good friend Albert is Chinese but was born in Viet Nam too!
Me: Cool! (Not really...)

I can't really remember, but maybe a few more awkward moments of silence.

Jim: Do you want to talk to Albert?
Me: (Huh? What?) Yes!

Jim pulls his Treo cellphone and calls Albert. I grab his phone and I talk to Albert. I don't remember much except that I was like, Let's hang out. And Albert was like, Yeah! We hung up and I give the phone back to Jim. Weird....

Friday, October 28, 2005

HOORAY FOR ASIAN MEN

Hooray for Asian men! In New York City, Asian men are the twinks of West Hollywood. They are the best!

This morning, I was crossing 44th Street when an Asian/white pairing walked into my arms. Usually, I give them the look, the ugh!-how-could-you-sell-out-for-such-an-ugly-white-motherfucker-look, because in LA it’s always an Asian chick with a dorky, dorky (or fat, fat) white guy. I mean, c’mon, that’s just so cliché. I am so sick of the commodification of my Asian sisters by burly, pale, ugly, ugly, ugly white men! So over it! Anyhow, I digress, but...

One of the happy things I discovered in New York City is that Asian girls have come to their senses – they aren’t drooling at the feet of lame white guys (as much). But I am most ecstatic about white girls. Because white girls in New York City realize what I’ve always known and everywhere you go in the city you’ll see white girl after white girl after white girl clutching their favorite accessories – the hot Asian guy!

As I crossed 44th Street, I gave the guy a knowing wink. He returned with both thumbs up. You gotta love the equilibrium of New York City. I love being hot! Finally!

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

I HEART CCC

I can not. I repeat, I can not get a good salad in New York City! I would give up, but I am too stubborn. I had a salad at the commissary today, and it sucked like shit. (Not that I really know what that tastes like). I had a salad from Wild Green's last night and it tasted like shit too. I've not had one good salad since I left the California Chicken Cafe...

Can anyone in New York City make a good salad? Can anyone give me a good suggestion? Please help me!

Monday, October 10, 2005

EVERYDAY

I rise later than I'm suppose to. That's what happens when you're a little blue sometimes. I jump in the shower quickly to beat my roommate. I like warm water. I wanna stay there for a while - partly because it feels so good and it's kinda entertaining to maybe make my roommate late. Hah...

I dress, tussle my hair, put on my contacts and pop my Ipod in. I walk the few blocks to the subway and ride it to 42nd St. I get off and take the S. I shuffle along with the crowd. I think it's easy to be lost here. And it's like this, the same thing every day. Five days a week.

But then you rise out of the subway and onto the island. On Broadway. And even on a cloudy, dreary day like today the lights stop you. You can't help, but turn to her and suddenly realize how beautiful she looks in the morning. Everyday.

There is nothing like stepping into an awakening Times Square. Everyday.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

OPRAH WINFREY: SUPERCOP

I am constantly mocked for my devotion to Oprah Winfrey (among other things). It's true, I love Oprah; I subsribe to O: The Oprah Magazine and TiVo The Oprah Winfrey Show. I do have to admit she seems a bit righteous these days, but there are nice little nuggets of learnings and goodness that comes from the almighty that is Oprah Winfrey.

For all you doubters, take note. The other day on Oprah, she pledged her commitment to "spotlighting" child molesters and personally reward anyone $100,000 for information leading to their arrest. When Oprah says something the world listens. She single-handedly saved the publishing industry with her Book Club and magazine, and now...Oprah does it again! A few days after the broadcast, Oprah captured her first criminal. You go, Oprah!

And a big thanks to unemployed, chubby housewives across America for their servitude and worship of the Oprah. Without them, the world of Oprah would not be. Hmm...

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

MAYBE...

Things are starting to come together. I know, I have to be a little bit more patient.

This morning I wandered the streets of New York, down 3rd Avenue when I happened on a menu for a salad restaurant nearby. Holy cow, salad! I miss the California Chicken Cafe...

Then later in the afternoon as I was leaving my place, I saw a black-marked FedEx box. It was as if I had seen Mary in my breakfast sandwich. I was blessed. I hugged the package and carried it to my apartment. My Yonex tennis rackets had arrived - 20 days after I mailed it. Damn you, USPS!

So, maybe this girl'll be okay after all. Maybe...

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

OMG, MAXINE HONG KINGSTON!

I was sitting at one of the tables at Bryant Park. Reading. I glance up and see someone from the past - Maxine Hong Kingston. Kingston is a legend; everyone knows who she is. (Well, except David Au. Oh, the shame...) Kingston is the author of the critically-acclaimed Woman Warrior, which was featured in Cuong's Book Club, China Men, and, most recently, her poetry manifesto To Be The Poet. Kingston's books are widely read in literature, Women's Studies and Asian American Studies courses throughout university campuses across the nation. Her prose is magical and mesmerizing. Kingston has been awarded with the National Book Award, the National Book Critics Circle Award and the national Humanities Medal from the National Endowment for the Humanities.

In Spring 1999, I was one of about 10 students selected by Kingston to participate in her seminar - Non-Fiction Prose. She helped me to see my writing so differently; I learned to use prose and my imagination in shaping my stories, things I was afraid of. I ended up writing Father's Duties, which at the time she said was "powerful," (when Kingston compliments you like that you remember it...forever) and it was later featured in the anthology Tilting The Continent. In the park, I watched her a bit, and then came up to her and her husband, Earll. They were gracious. She said she remembered me and my story. (Does she really?) They congratulated me on the move and my job. We talked about writing. Maxine encouraged me to keep writing and Earll mentioned that when they got off at 42nd, he told Maxine to stop because they were going to run into someone they knew. They didn't. But, he said, they ran into me...

I believe in omens. That they help guide you to the things you're meant to do in this life. I'm dreaming about writing again. I am searching for my place and it's becoming clearer to me that I must use my talent. I must learn to craft my storytelling and writing. Truth be told, this move to New York is hard. And these days, I need all the reminder I can get about how good I once was, how much better I can be, and that this is what I'm supposed to be doing...

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

FINDING NORMAL

These days, I'm just trying to find a sense of normal - the things I'm used to - my friends, my favorite places to eat, my couch, knowing where everything is, and my favorite TV shows. It feels so confusing right now.

I have to find a new doctor, a new dentist, a new optometrist. My basic cable doesn't have SoapNet, which means I won't be able to catch Dynasty re-runs. I don't know where my new California Chicken Cafe is. (I love that place!). I found a Home Depot in Manhattan, but not Target. My tennis racket still hasn't arrived. (I sent it September 8). And I don't know who to call when I'm bored... Sigh.

But I finally installed my TiVo and now I can catch my favorite shows - Laguna Beach, Oprah, and The Surreal Life. Just trying to find a piece of what was normal...

Monday, September 19, 2005

MY FIRST DAY...

Wednesday, September 14 - It's my first day in New York. I'm on the corner of 49th and Broadway (I think). There's a Falun Gong protest. I don't know much about the persecution of the sect in China, but they seem kinda cultish to me. But I could be completely wrong.

I am standing on the street, my finger pointing for a cab. Another 20 minutes later, a cab finally stops. I tell him where I need to go and then he races off. So I walk almost 20 street block homes. I am tired.

But then I get a call from MTV, offering me a job. Less than 24 hours after my arrival, I found a job! I'm going to love New York!

Sunday, July 03, 2005

JEAN & EDMUND

...got engaged yesterday! And even better news - not to each other! Yeah! How gross would it haven been if it was to each other?!? Eh! Anyhow, congratulations to Jane and Warren too. They will be my new best friends... (Not really).

Jean and Emdund, love you both!

Thursday, June 16, 2005

ALMOST ANOTHER SURPRISE...

It's a few mintues passed 7 am. I've willed myself awake, a little later than usual. So I'm a bit dazzled about what to do next - there's not enough time for the gym, but too early to go to work. I reluctantly rise, staring at my cloudly bedroom door. The haze of morning, my confused mind lie there unmoving. Perhaps for minutes.

But then I realize I have to do something. Just to move. Do something! So... What? Hmmm... Do I masturbate? Maybe. Do I get up and shower? Nah... Maybe I can just sit here in sleep for a while? No, I should really do something. Hmm...masturbate? Hmmm, okay!

The door props open. It's my mother. You know, only things like this could happen to me.

Monday, May 30, 2005

I HAVE A PROBLEM

You know it's serious when it's 4:39 am and you're still up. I'm possessed. I can't turn off my TV and my Tivo's running out of space. I stayed up to 3 am to catch a few minutes of live French Open action. It's almost 2 hours later and there's 10 hours of live coverage today... So I may not get sleep at all.

The score tonight will be the same as tomorrow. So why the hell am I still up? I am so, so lame!

Sunday, May 29, 2005

TROUGH STORY

I'm at The Cat & Fiddle with co-workers. If you've ever been in the men's restroom there you know that they have a trough. I never thought about it, but I really like urinals better.

A co-worker asks me where the restroom is. I tell him, but I ask him to wait because I don't want him peeing next to me. That is just weird. Right? I don't wanna see co-worker penises. Sorry. So, he relays the story of my asking him to wait for this turn at the trough to other co-workers.

My boss turns to me and asks: "You have a small penis, don't you?"

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

THERE ARE JUST SOME THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND...

I guess I still don't understand it. It's the emotion part of me that won't ever get it. I've realized that just this moment...

I'm on AIM with a friend and we're talking about children. Somehow it leads into her dealing with issues from her past - of not feeling loved, of the chaos of childhood. And then I realize I'm not over what I had seemingly closed off years ago when I stopped talking to my father. I'm not over my childhood.

I chose to cut him off as not to deal with the pain. But now I've realized that if we never talk about it, they pain will always be there. It still lives inside of me.

Saturday, March 26, 2005

WHAT A SURPRISE!

Today, my brother walked into my bedroom. Unannounced. Without a knock. I wasn't there. My boyfriend was. In his underwear.

What a shock. Yep, I'm gay.

Monday, March 07, 2005

STAYING THE COURSE

The epiphanous thought for today is: You can handle it. Yes, say it: I can handle it.

It's very powerful, though I know it's so simple. I started saying that last week whenever I didn't feel like doing something or didn't think I could do it. I can handle it. By saying those words, I acknowledge that I possess the agency to stay the course in anything I choose to do. I have power.

Susan Jeffers' Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway is a good follow-up to The Alchemist because they both touch on similar themes - finding your dreams and how to achieve it, and, just as important, trust in you. Wonderful life lessons. Read it!

Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

CUONG'S BOOK CLUB

In this edition of Cuong's Book Club, we learn to follow our dreams in Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist.

The fable is about a shepherd who dreams of a treasure one night that sends him on a journey to discover his dreams. I know it sounds kinda cheesy, but... Along the way, he encounters a gypsy, an Englishman and an alchemist, all eventually leading him on his way to finding his Personal Legend, "a path charted by the mysterious magnet of destiny but obscured by distractions." Learning about omens, faith and destiny, he realizes that when he really wants something "all the universe conspires" to help him achieve it.

It is a simple reminder that once we figure out what we want in life, it is our job to follow our dreams. It is our only obligation.

The Alchemist

What do you think of The Alchemist?

Saturday, February 26, 2005

GOOD NEWS, BAD NEWS

Good News of the Week:
I don't have gonorrhea or chlamydia! Yeesss! So relieved... Well, actually, it was an obvious conclusion. Really. Seriously.

Bad News of the Week:
I have high cholesterol - 238! (Anything over 200 is bad). Okay, maybe I should have expected it considering how much I eat, but wow! I'm so suprised! I'm bummed. High cholesterol is one of the major risk factors for heart disease. Yikes! But I'm not worried about the heart attack, I'm mad I can't eat fried food for lunch and dinner!

So, do I cut down at lunch or dinner? I love food. I'm so torn... How can I make that decision? And does this mean no Bellagio Buffet too? No!?!

Heaven on Earth:  Bellagio Buffet

Oh, Bellagio... How can I stay away?

Friday, February 25, 2005

YOUR WHOLE LIFE FLASHES...

Highland Ave. and Lexington Ave., Hollywood - There is a searing boom! and I turn around to see a 4-door Honda flying at me and my co-worker. In complete shock and utterly frozen, I take a few steps back but realize the car is still! coming right at me. I am stunned, locked so silently in place watching the car. And then a rear wheel hooks onto the curb of the sidewalk and abruptly stops. Less than 10 feet from me...

Two things I've learned. First, my reaction time is really, really, really slow. Not good. Second, your whole life doesn't really flash before you. You're just thinking: Shit! Shit! Shit!

Thursday, February 10, 2005

WHERE MY BITCHINESS ALL BEGAN...

Dynasty is finally coming to DVD on April 19!!!!

Dynasty

Sunday, January 30, 2005

THE SYMBOL FOR HAIRCUT

Monterey Park, CA. - I'm at the barbershop. I just want a haircut - short on the sides and in the back, I tell her.

"Haircut?" she asks. (Don't quote me, she was speaking Chinese). "Yes, short on the sides and in the back," I repeat. "How do you want it?" she asks. (Again, it was in Chinese so my translation might be off...). I hesitate. I say to myself: Jump out of the chair and run, she'll never see you again. But she smiles. So, I raise my hand and form scissors with my fingers and run it through the sides and back of my head. "Oh, haircut," she acknowledges. This time, in English. I think again to dash, but we're so close... I buzz my fingers through the sides and back of my head the way I want her to cut it. "Short on the sides and back," she says. (I think she got it, but not sure 'cause it's in Chinese again).

It's done and I leave. I look in the mirror when I'm in my car. It is unequivocally the worst haircut I've gotten. Ever. Lesson learned. Follow your instincts.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

CELEBRITY WATCH: BACKSTREET BOY(S)

I'm at my boss's cocktail party. Twelve lesbians, two gay guys, her mother and me. I'm at the food table because a) the food's yummy and b) I'm always at the food table. As we're about to leave, guess who walks in?

Howie D. from the Backstreet Boys! My first instinct is sing I Want It That Way, my next instict is to call my friends and make him talk to them. But I shake his hand and leave. I am lame.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

IT WAS LIKE BEING AT OPRAH'S

A few weeks ago at work, over the intercom systerm we were all summoned downstairs. The 20-foot Christmas tree loomed and a load of wrapped presents crawled in. The principals of our company called our names and we each received our gift.

To the delight of many it was an Ipod Photo! When I walked upstairs to my office, I thought, Wow, this is what it feels like to be in the audience for Oprah's Favorite Things...

Example

Saturday, January 01, 2005

MY KINDA NEW YEAR

I'm not sure what I took last night.

I went to sleep and had this vision: I was running around the house, frantically folding clothes, cleaning under my bed, organizing my receipts, labeling my notebooks, categorizing my photo collection, throwing away things, shredding documents, discarding porn, finding everything I thought I had lost. I woke up and my room was clean, my computer room was neat. Hmmm...

Crystal?