Thursday, December 28, 2006

DON'T FEEL SAD

...I feel sad.

It's 9:17pm. I'm here watching the final season of Six Feet Under. It's actually kind of appropriate now that I think of it. For the first time in my life, I feel lonely. Actually, not lonely, but incomplete. Maybe kinda bummed. I haven't accomplish what I have set out to do. When I was fearless, I wanted to make a difference. When I was fearless, I wanted to be a writer. When I was fearless, I was happy.

I am afraid to say it. I am afraid to pursue my life's path. Because if I fail at that then what does that make me? It doesn't make sense, but it's easier to be afraid. I don't like it. I don't accept it.

I was happiest doing things like Hardboiled and creating change with the Asian Student Union at Cal. It's easier when you're in college, but maybe you can't let go of what you wanted to be - when you were at your bravest - in college.

We all have personal legends, the things we're meant to do in life, the road we're meant to take. I am saying it. My life's work is to write, to make a difference.

Tilting The Continent

[Tilting The Continent, featuring the exquisite Father's Duties, p. 16]

Monday, November 20, 2006

MOVE FORWARD

Last night, my world opened up and closed sharply. With finality. I feel bad. I feel sad. Mainly because I hurt you. Last night, my world opened up. It was the beginning...

It's been a while. A lot has happened. I'm not sure if I'm happy. But I think happiness is internal; I firmly believe it all comes from you. Even with that, I am not sure if I'm happy though. But I am sure I am where I am supposed to be. I am sure that I am supposed to be here and that this is the right path for me. That I have to get back on the path that I was meant to take.

There's only one thing to do: Move forward!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

THIS MOMENT

I'm having a salad right now. The first time since the spinach recall. Did I read somewhere that lettuce is now being recalled too? I dunno. Yikes.

Will I be okay?

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

US OPEN!

Yesterday, I spent the entire day at the US Open. That's right, I'm crazy and spent the entire day there!

After my first few sessions got rained out, I was able to see some tennis. We missed the Justin Henin-Hardenne match ('cause I don't really like her), but was able to see Rafael Nadal's big arms and Andy Roddick's rocketing serve. Then we were like 10th row to see Maria Sharapova's fourth-round match. She wasn't great, but she didn't need to be and won in straight sets!

Maria Sharapova

Afterwards, I stayed for the night session and was rewarded with like 5th row seat at Arthur Ashe Stadium. So close! We saw Serena Williams and Amelie Mauresmo. But the highlight was the match after - Lleyton Hewitt vs. Richard Gasquet. We took so many pictures of Gasquet's butt as he was bending over to receive serve. Sigh...

Friday, September 01, 2006

MTV VMA

Last night, I was at MTV's VMA!!!!

Justin Timberlake kicked off the show. Beyonce, Christina Aguilera were also there. But the best part of the night? Seeing Andy Roddick walk up the asile!!!

MTV is the best!

Thursday, August 31, 2006

VMA

Last night I was at MTV2's VMA. Jared Leto's 30 Seconds To Mars performed. Nice.

MTV2

Monday, April 17, 2006

REMEMBER IT!

Scott wrote this on his blog: "If you ever lose your way as you embark on your lives and careers, think back to the person you wanted to become when you were in college."

I like it. Remember it.

Friday, January 27, 2006

AN OPEN LETTER TO YOU

It's the night before Chinese New Year. The night before... I'm in New York. It's sad. I am so far away from home.

Growing up Asian, I hated being me. (I actually I hate the word "hate.") The kids mocked my bowl-shaped hair cut. (I really did have it). They said my eyes were slanted. (So what?) The guys tried to beat me up. It sucked being Asian in the early 80s. There were so few of us. But every Chinese New Year it rocked. We'd get envelopes full of money. That day it sucked being whitey. Ha, ha! It was never about the money... What I miss most... I miss Grandmother's meals, my entire family - my extended family - around one big dinner table, Grandfather giving us the red envelopes. I loved being my father and mother's son, my grandparents' grandson, my brother and sister's brother. I miss the loud, jovial family dinner. I miss being a part of my family. Chinese New Year was always so magical. There was so much hope, so much happiness. That's what I remember, that's what I love about Chinese New Year.

It's the night before Chinese New Year. The night before... I'm in New York. I'm so sad. I am so far way from home... Happy Chinese New Year Mom, Dad, Khiem & Steph... You'll never read this, but I am so sad I am not home...

Monday, January 02, 2006

RUMINATIONS

I'm in a new place. I live in a new city. I work in a really tall building (that overlooks Times Square). I miss my friends back home. The way I was me. I really miss my life. I missed being comfortable with what I know. I am afraid of being away, of things that change.

I am struggling. I am insane. I am all right. I think it's dark now. But it's a new year. And so what! It feels totally different, but it's really just the same.

I don't know if I can keep New Year's resolutions. I don't like that way it came out negative. I don't have a New Year's resolution, I only know that this year it'll be better. I will find it all in me...