Thursday, December 28, 2006

DON'T FEEL SAD

...I feel sad.

It's 9:17pm. I'm here watching the final season of Six Feet Under. It's actually kind of appropriate now that I think of it. For the first time in my life, I feel lonely. Actually, not lonely, but incomplete. Maybe kinda bummed. I haven't accomplish what I have set out to do. When I was fearless, I wanted to make a difference. When I was fearless, I wanted to be a writer. When I was fearless, I was happy.

I am afraid to say it. I am afraid to pursue my life's path. Because if I fail at that then what does that make me? It doesn't make sense, but it's easier to be afraid. I don't like it. I don't accept it.

I was happiest doing things like Hardboiled and creating change with the Asian Student Union at Cal. It's easier when you're in college, but maybe you can't let go of what you wanted to be - when you were at your bravest - in college.

We all have personal legends, the things we're meant to do in life, the road we're meant to take. I am saying it. My life's work is to write, to make a difference.

Tilting The Continent

[Tilting The Continent, featuring the exquisite Father's Duties, p. 16]